Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Valencia vs Real Madrid, October 31st

The defence of Valencia looking like the Bermuda triangle and all of the Real Madrid players go missing ...
Ray Hudson, 0:57 1st

What a goal this is, we will be treated like a big ice-cream sundae. Watch this, it's all van Nistelrooy. Magic from old horsey-face. He turns this little note into a verse and then into a choir ...
Ray Hudson, 24:50 1st

Ah, Phil, if he cannot hit this, there's something wrong with his hammer. Look at that! We know he's a defender but he's like a fish up a tree with this finish.
Ray Hudson, 27:20 1st

What an absolute blessed goal this is. It's found, he sees it, he's onside by a nautical mile, but look at that finish! This is divine grace under pressure. And a buxom finish. And we like buxom.
Ray Hudson, 30:03 1st

Orchestrial football, violins right, left, and centre, and Guti is the Stradivarius.
Ray Hudson, 36:39 1st

A goal is a dream with a deadline. And this one is a wet dream.
Ray Hudson, half-time

This isn't cyber, this is hard-wired football ...
Ray Hudson, 19:38 2nd

And this is becoming the closest thing to a public execution this side of North Korea, Phil.
Ray Hudson, 20:24 2nd

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Sevilla vs Valencia, October 28th

Look at this, he lifts off and smack! Turns his head around like Linda Blair in The Exorcist, and that's like a right foot from Muhammad Ali, that. Poor Albiol sees the world going in the opposite direction ...
Ray Hudson, 27:38 1st

Zigic and Arizmendi, like two positively-charged electrons, they are not going to connect in this game ...
Ray Hudson, 38:20 1st

Zigic barely touches him and Palop goes down like a bunch of broccoli ...
Ray Hudson, 40:47 1st

Really trying to impose their will through the hammer and the anvil rather than their footballing method. Vicente it is who comes in to replace the impotent Zigic.
Ray Hudson
Have to love the descriptions of Ray Hudson here on GolTV.
Pablo Alsina, 46:02 2nd

Capel comes streaking in on this left side with all the intimidating directness of a torpedo ...
Ray Hudson, 69:20 2nd

Said keep your eye on him, I've always loved him, man, as a player. Said, such a bread-and-butter man but what a warrior. The ball gets fed back to him, and it's a gangster goal. And here Poulsen is Al Capone. It's a great, rifled machine gun hit ...
Ray Hudson, 73:30 2nd

This is lightning attack football, like when you're outside watching a lightning storm and that crackle rips through the black heavens, that's what this white team is like ...
Ray Hudson, 78:04 2nd

Look at this. Tic, Tac, Toe, Kaboom ...
Ray Hudson, 86:26 2nd

Real Madrid vs Deportivo La Coruña, October 28th

It's an almighty cluster-you-know-what.
Ray Hudson, 29:11 1st

Beautiful play by Ruud, isn't it? Matador, again. Draws his defender in on him, gets the big red cape out and goes olé. Gets the penalty, dispatches a penalty, squares the game.
Ray Hudson, half-time

Metzelder hesitates like a three-legged giraffe, here. All the dexterity of a bull elephant, the big man, here, that's embarrassing. And that is capitalised off beautifully. Look at Metzelder, he's all a-wobbly. And Xisco goes disco. [maybe somebody read this?]
Ray Hudson, half-time

Magnificent! Absolutely truly magnificent football by the Brazilian. This has all of the bells and whistles attached to it. Talk about answering your critics. What a ball and he's polishing the shoes of Gutiérrez 'cause Guti provides him with a sublime ball. This is absolute genius. And it's beautifully supplied by Guti. Again, sweet passing delivery. Robinho starts it, he says 'Give me it back, baby'. He ducks around all of the defenders and pokes it in sweetly, Robinho. Look at this again that's brilliant disguise. Fabulous. Twinkle-toes, stardust again pouring out of his feet.
Ray Hudson, 43:56 2nd

They started off like a cup of Sanka and ended up like a double-shot espresso, cappuccino.
Ray Hudson, 47:31 2nd

Saturday, October 27, 2007

August Audio

Cleaning up the DVR.

Sevilla vs Getafe, August 26th

Valencia vs Villarreal, August 26th

Liverpool vs Toulouse, August 28th

Schalke 04 vs Werder Bremen, October 27th

It's that sort of game in the early going, both teams jousting, like King George and the dragon.
Ray Hudson, 11:13 1st

Electrical hit that lights up his coach's face and sends this crowd into delirium. It's exquisite placement, the power is precise. Accurate again, to the split millimetre. Divinely sent, Frings does everything he can, and Tim Wiese stretches his fingernails, he gets them broken by the wind off this ball. Coach goes disco!
Ray Hudson, 13:36 1st

Smile, Ray.
Pablo Alsina
I was smiling already before she pulled that camera out.
Ray Hudson, 30:46 1st

They have not connected too well together, the two boys up front for Werder Bremen. Like two electrons, they're not going to connect.
Ray Hudson, 65:06 2nd

What do you call that in English, Ray?
Pablo Alisina
Magic. Bloody magic.
Ray Hudson, 71:10 2nd

Diego weights it exquisitely, Frings delivers a diamond of a pass. It's an open, yawning net. Torsten Frings puts it on a golden altar. Sanogo sees it coming, he sees it going, he cannot angle it down into the open, yawning net. Neuer thanks his lucky stars again. Forget the miss. Fabulous football, set up with exquisite, Einstein vision and creativity from the wonderful play of Diego.
Ray Hudson, 75:34 2nd

Friday, October 26, 2007

DC United vs Miami Fusion, October 16th 1999

Dom from San Francisco kindly sent me this rather awesome transcript and sound clip. I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't know Ray Hudson had been so Ray Hudson for so long.

I've loved hearing Ray's commentary ever since he called MLS games way back when. He always cracked me up. So much so, that back in 1999, I recorded a sound clip from the first game of a round one playoff game he called between my beloved DC United and the Miami Fusion. United won 2-0, and the first goal was scored gloriously by Jaime Moreno on a fantastic give-and-go with Marco Etcheverry, who split the defense with an exquisite first-time touch. The sound quality is unfortunately a bit poor, and there are no animal metaphors, but I still love it.

Hudson: Oh!

Other guy: Etcheverry ... leaving it back ... great play... shot ... goal!!!! ... What a play by the two Bolivians!!!

Hudson: Moreno shoots like this ... look at this. Moreno ... darting in between two players ... Etcheverry ... gifting it back, sets him up beautifully... And he's an executioner in those examples. This is a great look. Look at this one. Etcheverry... doesn't need two touches ... one touch! And it's in the back of the net. Fusion? Absolutely devastated.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Chile vs Peru, October 17th

Look at that jackknifing header by Suazo. The ball going away from him, he gets that beautiful, bald bonce on it, and punches it with plenty of meat and potatoes behind it. Looks like he's had a few meat and potatoes in his time, Suazo. All strength, like a bulldog, but the touch of a poodle there. Beautiful ...
Ray Hudson, 14:50 1st

Vidal, basically, sees through their defence like Clark Kent sees through steel. Look at this, that's a fabulous ball, Riquelme standards. Sorry, I've got to bring Romy up again. But that is outstanding creativity by Vidal. Beautifully touched down, settles it with that velvet cushion for a right foot, and hammers it past the helpless, stranded Butrón ...
Ray Hudson, 6:39 2nd

Some venom coming out in the game now, Kelly, a little bit of poison. Little bit of yellow pus starting to come out of the wounds of Peru.
Ray Hudson, 22:59 2nd

Monday, October 22, 2007

Spreading the Word (updated again)

I know it's already been a bit meta around here recently but I must say thanks to SF at The Offside Rules for kindly sending a horde of minions over to check this place out.

Also, Blogrolled! at Empties Crushed, a while back (sorry). Thanks!

Update: and The Yankee Hooligan. Busy day.

Later updates:

Do I get an invite to the calendar shoot, Sports Illustrated?

Also, thanks, Brucio at du Nord.

Blogrolled! at Who Ate All The Cupcakes?

And if a Time magazine blog says Bloggers who love Ray Hudson move the media world closer to perfection, who are we to argue? Quote ...

This Hudsonia thing strikes me as strong evidence that we are getting progressively closer to some sort of new media nirvana, in which every possible informational and amusement need is filled.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Villarreal vs Barcelona, October 20th

Nobody idolises Riquelme the way I do. I absolutely worship the ground he walks on, but Pellegrini has seen that cow milked for all of its goodness in Villarreal and the time has come to say goodbye.
Ray Hudson, 8:03 1st

This is an eighteen year old, are you kidding me? This is an absolute old man's finish. Fabulous.
Ray Hudson, 24:36 1st

It's fed back by Franco who's got his radar working sharper than a Nautilus submarine ... Oleguer gets freezed, paralysed. Turns to Lot's wife like a statue of salt, poor Oleguer ...
Ray Hudson, half-time

Didn't lead to anywhere in the end, but I tell you what, I got a physical arousal from watching Bojan there.
Ray Hudson, 55:47 2nd

We've Gone Mainstream

Jeff Rusnak at the South Florida Sun-Sentinel. Cheers, Jeff.


GolTV color commentator Ray Hudson is the subject of a Web blog created by a viewer who has been "inspired by the awesome enthusiasm [Hudson] brings to the game," according to the site's home page. I inquired via e-mail about the blogger's identity, but the respondent wished to remain anonymous and only admits to living outside Florida.

Regardless of the site's origin, provides a richly entertaining catalog of linguistic gems from the ex-Striker and former Fusion coach. The blog finds Hudson at his most effusive — and eloquent — when commenting about Argentina's Juan Ramon Riquelme.

By the blogger's count, Hudson called Riquelme's name 68 times during Argentina's 2-0 World Cup qualifying win over Chile last weekend, in which Riquelme scored both goals on long-range free kicks. During the telecast, Hudson called Riquelme "the greatest footballer in the world," "one of the truly great poets of football," "an artist," "brilliant genius" and even a "big, beautiful strolling zombie." He concluded, "That man, who could have been, should have been a bullfighter, because he is a true matador footballer. The tango man."

Hudson's praise would fall on deaf ears at Spanish club Villareal, which mysteriously refuses to play Riquelme, despite his talent. The club said it will try to sell Riquelme when the transfer window opens in January. Argentina will resume 2010 qualifying in mid-November against Bolivia and Colombia....

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Deportivo La Coruña vs Valencia, October 20th

The ball is beyond the heavens, it's a fabulous invite. Look, he picks him out and then he absolutely blisters it. It's an inch-perfect, split millimetre-perfect ball by Joaquin. It's class in a glass, and it's an absolutely razor-edged header ...
Ray Hudson, half-time

It's Silva, and it's golden ... What wonderful wing-play by David Silva, holding his position, drawing his defender in on him, and those stardust, quicksilver, dancing shoes put into motion and put, surely, Deportivo to death ...
Ray Hudson, 28:07 2nd

[I was really hoping for a 'Xisco goes disco' after the Depor goal]

Bochum vs Bayern Munich, October 20th

And that finish is cuter than a bug's ear .... The applecart is rocked.
Ray Hudson, 10:58 1st

Friday, October 19, 2007

This is not a Pablo Alsina blog

But I really should post this

and this


Thankyou, scaryice at Climbing the Ladder, who has insane football statistical analysis skillz and more.

Venezuela vs Argentina, October 16th

Like a Jedi knight. No, better than that, a Templar knight. This is a flash of pure inspiration and let me tip my hat to the genesis of this goal, Ibarra. It's Ibarra who plays it down the side, it gets pulled back for Lionel. Lionel only absolutely lights it up here. He lifts off it, flamethrowers it past poor Renny Vega, who does everything. It's just as well Renny didn't get a hand to that, because it would have taken it off his wrist ...
Ray Hudson, 42:26 1st

But Argentina, man, just wait for you in the long grass, like snipers, assassins.
Ray Hudson, 44:50 1st

He's got a crystal ball in his head, I'm telling you. Riquelme sees two or three steps ahead to the mere mortals ...
Ray Hudson, half-time

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Paraguay vs Uruguay, October 17th

Well, Nelson Valdez as well, give the young man credit because he was full of support, look at that emotion and passion that we were talking about at the start of the game. For me, that's a beautiful sight, you see a goalscorer, Cabañas, having an orgasm, basically, on his assist. That's wonderful.
Ray Hudson, 16:22 1st

The Russians wiped the floor with the most overrated international team, based on the most overrated individual footballers, based out of the most overrated domestic league in world international football - England, the premiership, and the rest of that sorry shower called England. Pathetic.
Ray Hudson
And he would have said the same thing if they'd won
Phil Schoen, 18:23 1st.

Commentator verliest pedalen na goals Riquelme

Found here

Het versloeg Chili dankzij twee goals van Juan Roman Riquelme, "de beste speler ter wereld", als we de op hol geslagen voetbalcommentator Ray Hudson moeten geloven. Riquelme schilderde tegen Chili twee vrije trappen tegen de netten. Engelsman Ray Hudson en zijn collega-commentators van het Amerikaanse GolTV konden zich na het eerste doelpunt al niet bedwingen en gingen dan ook bij Riquelme's tweede compleet uit hun dak.
Which translates to something like ...
Commentator loses pedals after Riquelme goals

They beat Chile thanks to two goals from Juan Roman Riquelme, "the best player in the world", if we must believe football commentator Ray Hudson. Riquelme painted against Chile two free kicks against the nets. Englishman Ray Hudson and his co-commentator from American GolTV could not control themselves after the first goal and so at Riquelme's second went completely from their roof.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Colombia vs Brazil, October 14th

For this, the 50th post on this most humble of blogs, as a (not very) special treat, may I present this prime example of Mr. Hudson's trademark ejaculation, never before featured in this corner of the interwebs (because I can never work out how to transcribe it - Aye Aye? Ay Ay? Ai Ai?). Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mr. Hudson, accompanied, as he should be, by his able foil, Mr. Schoen.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Argentina vs Chile, October 13th

And there you see Juan Román Riquelme, back on the pitch. A big fan of Riquelme's next to me, Ray Hudson, what can we expect in this match?
Pablo Alsina
Well it'll be magic from Riquelme, no matter that he's been in cobwebs for the last few month. Román Riquelme, one of the truly great poets of football ...
Ray Hudson, pre-game

It seems to be that a few of the players are slip-sliding, everybody but Riquelme.
Ray Hudson, 5:24 1st

Sizzler by Romy, unhesitant. Confidence, skill and class coming out of his ear-holes there ...
Ray Hudson, 7:11 1st

That is a gift from the gods, he always has been, I've said it for a long time, for me, I said it at the start of this game the greatest footballer in the world. I'll go to my grave defending that man. He splits his country down the middle, some people love him, some people hate him. Who couldn't love this? This is a Bernini sculpture of a goal, Pablo. It's perfection. If it had missed the target you could have hardly blamed him, but he takes all of the responsibility on his own shoulders, he guides it heavenly, it's a magisterial hit by an artist, a poet of the game. You cannot say enough, he backs it up, he hasn't played for what? Five, six months? He comes in here and he has been the best footballer on this park. Brilliant genius of Riquelme, yet again, defying his critics.
Ray Hudson, 26:40 1st

The big, beautiful, strolling zombie, I call him, Riquelme ...
Ray Hudson, 30:53 1st

Helpless, just rooted to the spot like a big ficus tree, the Chile goalkeeper ...
Ray Hudson, 33:37 1st

This is an absolute concerto goal. The first one was brilliant. We're like, living déjà vu all over again ...
Ray Hudson, 45:36 1st

Here's your first work of absolute Picasso art. Against all the odds, he takes them on, and he laughs at them.
Ray Hudson, half-time

Just like an out of body experience, you think it's done all over again, you think you've seen it before, it's like you've relived it, absolutely brilliant, the ambiguity of him is brilliant ...
Ray Hudson, half-time

Breathtaking again by Romy. Pablo, I think you'll be having to call for an oxygen tank for me, my friend, if that one had went in ...
Ray Hudson, 40:26 2nd

That man, who could have been, should have been a bullfighter, because he is a true matador footballer. The tango man.
Ray Hudson, 44:25 2nd

And finally ... the Ray Hudson 'Riquelme' count.


  • Riquelme - 1
  • Román Riquelme - 1
First half
  • Riquelme - 23
  • Romy - 7
  • Juan Román Riquelme - 2
  • Riquelme - 6
Second Half
  • Romy - 2
  • Riquelme - 20
  • Román - 2
  • Román Riquelme - 1
  • Riquelme - 3
Grand Total - 68

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Uruguay vs Bolivia, October 13th

It's an absolutely fabulous finish by Forlán, now how do you figure this? This is an outstanding, world-class goal of the highest calibre. He has missed chances today that your young boy Alex could have put away, Phil. And I'm not kidding. The forward, man, he's a funny old beast. This is an absolutely scintillating finish on the full volley and it's full-blooded by Diego Forlán. See the ball's played the opposite way, right beautiful rainbow pass and here's your pot of gold at the end of this rainbow. It's a tremendous little ball by Pérez, leading Diego, Diego arrows it in, past García and that inside post and poor García again gets his fingers singed by that superheated volley.
Ray Hudson, 38:06 1st

He couldn't hit a horse's backside with a banjo early on but he threads the needle there.
Ray Hudson, 41:48 1st

Incredible, that this small country produces so many high-quality players but they don't stay in Uruguay, unfortunately, they head out overseas, deservedly so for the big money and the wealth and fame, and the pretty señoritas ... there's plenty of them in Uruguay of course.
Ray Hudson, 43:47 1st

That left foot of his is like a pistol, and it's cocked and the trigger is exploded ...
Ray Hudson, half-time

Abreu sees it coming, he's got all the time in the world, he could take this on his chest, Phil, he could have a plate of pasta and then pass it into the net, but he trusts his header, and it's mistrust ...
Ray Hudson, 8:56 2nd

Monday, October 8, 2007

Sevilla vs Deportivo La Coruña, October 7th

He's in the referee's book but he's had a great game, he really has been a fish-shaking warrior in that midfield holding position ...
Ray Hudson, 67:45 2nd

Barcelona vs Atlético Madrid, October 7th

Set up by the little genius, again. The ball squirts away from him in that corner where the ball tends to roll away from most players. Well, Lio Messi is not most players. The new Maradona they're calling him, Phil. I tell you what, he is the most enduring challenger of that great man's mantle yet. It's Deco that finishes but it's all classic Lio, Lio the lion.
Ray Hudson, 15:25 1st

Like a pickpocketer out of Las Ramblas in Barcelona ...
Ray Hudson, 16:20 1st

Where do you begin? Where do you find the words, man? Magisterial! It's a beautiful give and go, the finish is absolutely celestial, by the albiceleste. Abbiati is a onlooker, this ball gets flamethrowered by him, by Lio the Lion, he's a puma. The Argentine puma. But what an absolute tiger. He sees his place, he sees it in a different dimension to the rest of the world, as does his great team-mate Ronaldinho. Henry has a part in it, he steadies Lionel, he dishes it off, give me it back, feed me baby! One look up, and look at that finish! Blistered by Abbiati. Brilliant, top of the world, the world is his oyster.
Ray Hudson, 19:50 1st

They got bigger, they got better and they got more beautiful, it's almost botanical football by Barcelona.
Ray Hudson, half-time

He's a little tiger, Lio. Scratches to get the ball back.
Ray Hudson, 57:15 2nd

He's like a leopard coming out of the bush, looking for something to eat ...
Ray Hudson, 71:14 2nd

Eighty six minutes into this game and he is like a spring rabbit. He's electric with his pace, the brilliant kaleidoscope vision of Deco sees through the steel wall at the back ...
Ray Hudson, 86:14 2nd

Beautiful, textbook, hallmark, Barcelona, bossa nova, tango football.
Ray Hudson, 89:56 2nd

And, the big cat remix ...

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Valencia vs Espanyol, October 6th

Service is everything a lot of the times, in a game, it's advertised. Yeah, the paella is flowing tonight ...
Ray Hudson, 4:12 1st

Stuttgart vs Hannover, October 6th

Brave play by the Swiss man, but it's out by the width of a Toblerone.
Ray Hudson, 34:00 1st

Touch like the proverbial elephant there, from Mario.
Ray Hudson, 41:25 1st

It's a stupefying miss by the Hungarian international. Screams his blue murder, but don't worry, Hungarian man, you will be back ...
Ray Hudson, half-time

Tale of two stories, there, isn't it ?
Ray Hudson, 51:18 2nd