Saturday, December 29, 2007

Describing Greatness

From Sports Illustrated's Year in Sports

It's hard to say which is more entertaining: watching Barcelona's Lionel Messi, the 20-year-old Argentine wunderkind, score goals worthy of Diego Maradona, or listening to Ray Hudson describe them on GolTV. ("This man has got a walkie-talkie directly to heaven's gods!") Messi was the little genius of world soccer in 2007, displaying his breathtaking speed, vision and ball skills on a regular basis. Hudson, meanwhile, is the greatest announcer you've never heard of, a Geordie-accented mix of Dick Vitale's enthusiasm and Keith Jackson's uniquely kooky phrasings. In Hudson's world, a shaky defender is "tighter than a camel's backside in a sandstorm" or "as nervous as a Beirut grocery run." And goals? "I got a physical arousal from watching Bojan [Krkic] there." Small wonder that one Hudson-lover started a blog featuring his greatest hits ( Get this man a wider audience.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Barcelona vs Real Madrid, December 23rd

Just look at this place, man. Gives you goosebumps the size of coconuts...
Ray Hudson, pre-game

They're all tighter than guitar strings out there. Don't think that they don't feel this pressure, they'll have butterflies the size of seagulls in their stomachs...
Ray Hudson, pre-game

This is a brilliant goal. There's no denying it. And Calderón and Schuster's gotta be beaming inside. Take a look at this finish, he's been waiting in the long grass, Ronaldinho's countryman comes out. It's a beautiful-give-and go. One, two, it comes back to Baptista, and he makes a beast's finish out of this. Beautiful van Nistelrooy, picture perfect, great half-volley top corner. Look at this on the go, this is pin-point volley exchange between the two of them. One, give me it back, you've got it my son, finish it, rifle, one-nothing Real Madrid.
Ray Hudson, 35:42 1st

Beautiful give-and-go in the air falls to Baptista, whose finish is sharper than a porcupine's backside...
Ray Hudson, half-time

Wonderful play, wasn't it? You've got to speculate to accumulate, well Baptista does exactly that. Isosceles himself would have liked to have been involved in this footballing geometry...
Ray Hudson, half-time

Raul, man. He's like a Twinkie. He would survive a nuclear war.
Ray Hudson, 90:44 2nd

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Sevilla vs Racing Santander, December 22nd

A goal for us all to absolutely savour again and again. This is an electrical storm goal, Phil. It's Kanouté is the thunder at the end of it but it's the electricity of Dani Alves that starts it beautifully. We'll see the last two or three passes but believe me it was happening a long time before that. It's beautifully controlled, there's Alves, stabs in, Kerzhakov turns, touches it on, brilliant back-heel. Dani tries to hit it home, leaves it for Frédéric, that's absolute magic understanding, fabulous play. Maresca starts it with that beautiful back-heel. Wolf in the hen-house, Dani Alves, knows where his bread is buttered, and here, big, big Frédéric Kanouté comes out with the butter-knife and gives him a double dose of Lurpak. Beautiful!
Ray Hudson, 25:38 1st

Pulling his hair. That's a first. Yellow card for pulling hair. Should be given a pink card.
Ray Hudson
Both of them...
Phil Schoen
There's no hair-pulling in football.
Ray Hudson, 42:06 1st

Absolutely no chance for Coltorti. Chevantón brings the big, big howitzer out. But it's also a combination of sweet grace. It's sweet as sugar, that's for damn sure. And the señoritas get their castanets out and give them a good shaking...
Ray Hudson, 66:02 2nd

It's cruel on a brave Racing Santander team, but they caught Sevilla, as I said, at the top of their tree, and this man is a giant sequoia...
Ray Hudson, 90:20 2nd

Slices, dices, Ginsu finish. Leaves them in shreds. Quicker feet than a combine harvester, he tears them apart.
Ray Hudson, 90:59 2nd

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Valencia vs Barcelona, December 15th

This Valencia team were looking wobblier than Rod Stewart after a twenty-four hour bender...
Ray Hudson, half-time

He keeps on running, they don't pick him up, they cannot detect him. Infra-red x-rays couldn't detect this man the way he's playing. Eto'o!
Ray Hudson, half-time

Tip-toe through the Valencia tulips for Samuel 'Scissor-hands' Eto'o. Razor-sharp dexterity, blister finish...
Ray Hudson, post-game

Hertha Berlin vs Bayern Munich, December 15th

He better check his pulse as well, the doctor, because this game has enough tranquilisers in it to put a sperm whale to sleep...
Ray Hudson, 45:00 2nd

His attacking prowess is about as sharp as a Belgian waffle.
Ray Hudson, 69:36 2nd

Monday, December 10, 2007

DeRo and Me

From Al from DC, a soundbyte from GolTV's American Soccer, wherein Mr. Hudson expresses mild enthusiasm for a Dwayne De Rosario goal.

And, speaking of enthusiasm, Portland's leading ludic logodaedali did an interview with some guy with a website.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Barcelona vs Deportivo La Coruña, December 9th

This is a red hot chili pepper hit set up by Guardado. Leads him, one touch to steady, one touch to absolutely sizzle the hands of Valdés and rupture the net...
Ray Hudson, half-time

This is a cross between a rapier and a sledgehammer. Beautifully hammered home. Super-heated roaster by Cristian...
Ray Hudson, half-time

Real Zaragoza vs Espanyol, December 9th

Another goal baked by the footballing angels in heaven for us to watch and devour and savour. Look at the ingredients...
Ray Hudson, 10:53 1st

The approach play was absolutely algebraic football and Valdo is the x-factor and that equals a goal.
Ray Hudson, 11:24 1st

The coach will be virtually on the brink of a wonderful, wonderful 'sensation', let's just call it. You know what I mean, Phil.
Ray Hudson, 11:51 1st

Can it get any better than this in football heaven? I don't think so. The goals are absolutely astonishing quality ... This is a calculus goal, again.
Ray Hudson, 14:58 1st

Four absolutely golden nuggets, Phil, to pick from. This one is a Las Vegas golden nugget, from Tamudo. This is Archimedean perfection by the little jazzer, Tamudo...
Ray Hudson, half-time

Milito uses the old Jedi mind trick on them. Fabulous. Picks his spot, finds the target. Laser beam. Darth Vader death ray hit again...
Ray Hudson, 89:33

Athletic Bilbao vs Real Madrid, December 8th

Real Madrid are a whole different kettle of sharks.
Ray Hudson, 0:50 1st

Talk about unsung heroes, he just made me look absolutely ingenious.
Ray Hudson, 7:32 1st

That man, that diminutive little titan, Iker Casillas.
Ray Hudson, 8:06 1st

Casillas had spread himself out like a big bloody octopus. Beautiful.
Ray Hudson, 9:26 1st

That six yard box is an octopus' garden for Casillas.
Ray Hudson, half-time

Stupefying goal this by the oranje. The Dutchie absolutely lights this one. It's a beautiful steady. But look at this razzle. There's the dazzle. He's scored some lovely goals. Tell you what, this could be his magnum opus ...
Ray Hudson, 54:29 2nd

What a heart breaker! There's your goal of the season, coming and going in the beautiful blink of his bulging Brazilian eyes ...
Ray Hudson, 70:12 2nd

If they hadn't have painted those damn goalposts last night that would have been in.
Ray Hudson, 70:49 2nd

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Bayern Munich vs Duisburg, December 8th

Duisburg called the Zebras, Phil. Nickname is the Zebras. Zebras. Figure that one out.
Ray Hudson
Well, their home kit, with the blue and white hoops.
Phil Schoen
Yeah but a zebra's not blue and white, Phil.
Ray Hudson
Depends how much time you spend on a night out in Duisburg.
Phil Schoen
You've been drinking too much of that blue Johnny Walker's.
Ray Hudson, 26:28 1st

Lady Luck having a love affair with Tom Starke. Here, again, she sends him a valentine ...
Ray Hudson, 44:14 2nd

Monday, December 3, 2007

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Valencia vs Athletic Bilbao, December 2nd

They haven't had a lot of penetration, when they've got through it hasn't been with a lot of venom. Well, a lot of venom in that - python venom, off that hit by Yeste. Sunk his fangs in, didn't he?
Ray Hudson, 33:34 1st

This is a screamer from Yeste. A death-ray hit by Yeste of Darth Vader proportions ...
Ray Hudson, half-time

Well, poor Cañizares is like Han Solo, he's frozen in carbon ...
Ray Hudson, half-time

I thought Koeman had sent out a new team. He might have, these guys down there with those banjos or whatever they've got maybe able to do a better job than Valencia in that first half.
Ray Hudson
More mobile than Morientes already.
Phil Schoen, half-time

I don't think this Valencia team could commit suicide if their life depended on it today.
Ray Hudson, 83:06

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Espanyol vs Barcelona, December 1st

He is like mercury. Not the planet, Kelly, the element. You cannot hold him, you cannot contain him. Quicksilver feet, again, by Messi. Mercurial, alright. And he is toxic for Espanyol's defence. Look at this. Get out of your 'Barca'-loungers and start applauding. That was brilliant. That is magnificent. Pure class delivered on a silver plate for Iniesta who was actually applauding as this ball comes to him. Look at this, Argentine class in a glass again. He's up for FIFA World Player of the Year. If he doesn't get it, I may start losing my faith in humanity.
Ray Hudson, 5:56 1st

This starts with Yaya Touré. Touré Yaya. Whatever you want to call him. Put it in a mirror it's the same name. But a beautiful start by Yaya and it sends the squirrel on his merry way ...
Ray Hudson, 18:11 1st

[from Neil via email]
He's developing in front of our eyes, young Bojan. How old is he?
Ray Hudson
Just seventeen.
Kelly O'Donnell
Say it again.
Ray Hudson
Seventeen years old.
Kelly O'Donnell
I don't believe you. Seventeen. I've got underwear older than that...
Ray Hudson, 20:03 1st

He mainlines football magic, Messi ...
Ray Hudson, half-time

It's all Messi, Kelly. I tell you what, if General Custer had have had him on his side at the Little Big Horn, Geronimo would have turned round and went back to his wigwam ...
Ray Hudson, half-time

It was begging. We said, it was begging. It was smelling like a big, old fish out there ... Riera sees him, parabolic vision. Beautiful, dynamite, arrow-finish ...
Ray Hudson 68:42

Friday, November 30, 2007

Nacional vs Peñarol, November 25th

The ball nicely hits our GolTv sign, right there, on the field of Centenario Stadium.
Pablo Alsina
Best looking sign around the boards, that. Look at that thing standing out.
Ray Hudson, 25:59 1st

Look at this, Ray. The stands are on fire. Literally, they're on fire ...
Pablo Alsina
Enterprising fans throwing a couple of potatoes onto the fire for a quick snack.
Ray Hudson, 30:50 1st

It'll have to take somebody with his head rolling off of his body to be given a penalty kick here today, it seems.
Ray Hudson, 34:09 1st

This game is swinging like a big fulcrum.
Ray Hudson, 36:30 1st

Antonio Pacheco, as I said, has had his feet on the right legs all day long ... Tony the tiger comes out and roars.
Ray Hudson, 66:40 2nd

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Real Murcia vs Real Madrid, November 24th

That is absolutely Einstein football. E equals MC squared plus Bernd Schuster's DNA of this team.
Ray Hudson, 9:31 1st

Barcelona vs Recreativo Huelva, November 24th

The door was opened and little Bojan would kick it in. This is fabulous. Look at that touch. Cool as a bomb disposal expert at seventeen and Thierry Henry goes nuts like a lottery winner.
Ray Hudson, post-game

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Ecuador vs Peru, November 21st

Brilliant, absolutely superlative hit. Bombastic!
Ray Hudson, 10:51 1st

A magical goal. A goal of absolute top, top quality. Confidence is absolutely bursting and you can thank the technician on the sideline for that. Vizuete sends his men out with radiant confidence. Ecuador jump down the throats of Peru again. Beautiful lead-ball, he sees his target. Again, it's Benítez. Fabulous lead-ball, Kaviedes is onto it like Jumping Jack Flash. Beautiful lead, rainbow ball, pot of gold delivered.
Ray Hudson, 24:12 1st

Peru, basically, throw down the welcome mat, and are saying 'come in, sit down, put your feet up'. Look at that defending, shocking. Amateur, schoolboys. That's defending? That's an international footballer? Should be horse-whipped.
Ray Hudson, 43:51 1st

The goalkeeper grows thumbs on his hands because he had thumbs on his feet with his early clearance ...
Ray Hudson, 3:13 2nd

Penny's playing in front of this, playing behind this set of ... uh ...
Ray Hudson
Defenders, I think, is the word you're searching for.
Phil Schoen
Penguins, actually, Phil.
Ray Hudson, 6:11

Colombia vs Argentina, November 20th

And it's a mucho gusto hit by Bustos ...
Ray Hudson, post-game

Spain vs Northern Ireland, November 21st

Xavi, so accurate, he practices throwing letters into his mailbox from fifty yards away. Look at this, beautiful hit. Exquisite angle. Caresses it, pummels it, takes a deflection. Ooh, maybe wasn't so accurate. Doesn't matter ...
Ray Hudson, 7:12 2nd

Aragonés looks down his bench. He sees Villarreal, he sees Valencia, he sees Espanyol. Worthington looks down and it's Grimsby Town and Glentoran.
Phil Schoen
Yeah, that's a tale of ... some cities.
Ray Hudson, 12:05 2nd

Monday, November 19, 2007

Argentina vs Bolivia, November 17th

Well, that's what you get for chasing rabbits - you get punished. Sublime hit by Romy. Brilliant, brilliant footballer of heavenly class and this one is manna from heaven. His rehearsals were teasers. Like a big stripper he comes out with tassels on, Phil. Beautiful Romy.
Ray Hudson, 11:24 2nd

Goooooooooooooooooooooool for Riquelme.
Phil Schoen
This man has got a walkie-talkie directly to heaven gods. Beautifully set up by Lionel Messi. Superlative football. I've told you, man, it was coming. This is Argentina. This is the Koh-i-Noor diamond of world football. Ranked number one by FIFA. Couldn't give a monkey's uncle about that. This is absolutely heavenly football from the gods of the game. Messi streaking in, red-carpet hit to Román. And look at that touch, the Stradivarius comes out again from Román Riquelme. Guides it, kisses it, caresses it. The walkie-talkie's working.
Ray Hudson, 28:13 2nd

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Uruguay vs Chile, November 18th

This is a lovely lead-ball, beautifully provided, and that sweet, sweet, honey finish. Beautiful finding from Sánchez. Suárez, that right foot is a rifle, eventually. He pulls out the happy dagger ...
Ray Hudson, half-time

I think it was Villanueva, that man I said, look out for him, man ... Carlos Villanueva finds him, beautiful radar working very sharp. Salas is sharper than a Ginsu knife with this finish, Phil, but it's Villanueva that I tip my hat off to.
Ray Hudson, 13:27 2nd

Rodríguez, pulling rabbits out of the hat the size of greyhounds ...
Ray Hudson, 31:07 2nd

If the Gods of football are watching down they'll say, we've got to tie this game and leave it like this ...
Ray Hudson, 36:02 2nd

It's an absolutely rock-and-roll game of football we have been served here on GolTV. Majesterial!
Ray Hudson, 36:43 2nd

Sublimely set up by Suárez, who has been as electric as a live-wire that's been knocked down in a hurricane ...
Ray Hudson, 37:41 2nd

Brilliant goalkeeping by Bravo here, Rodríguez seducing and teasing him like a big Turkish belly-dancer ...
Ray Hudson, 41:31 2nd

Blood pressure rising, and not just in this crowd, in this commentary booth. Turns you on, man, this game, doesn't it? Thriller! What a game of football.
Ray Hudson, 42:16

Suárez doing beautifully. Wriggling, twitching of his hips and shoulders. Paralysing Chile's defenders, he gets the corner-kick. Last throw of the dice for Tabarez's gladiators. He's Spartacus.
Ray Hudson, 46:53 2nd

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Spain vs Sweden, November 17th

Xavi prompts, leads, beautifully fed back, rifled home to put number two on the score-sheet. And they want more. Like Oliver Twist they want more.
Ray Hudson, 38:54 1st

Absolutely thrilling football being served up, like a big, wonderful, hot, steaming mass of paella, and it's being devoured by this crowd.
Ray Hudson, 44:06 1st

Orchestrial movement, beautifully finished by the violin of Iniesta, and meanwhile, in the Coach's dug-out, Aragonés is sitting like Leonard Bernstein.
Ray Hudson, half-time

Said earlier that he doesn't quite have his shooting boots polished enough in this game, well he hasn't, but they're shining now like Dorothy's red slippers ... and he goes absolutely acrobatic disco ...
Ray Hudson, 64:40 2nd

This has been the type of football served up here today that makes you want to get up and shake your castanets, in a big way. And I'm sure the ladies will be shaking their castanets tonight in Spain, my friend.
Ray Hudson
Another Mastercard moment from Ray Hudson ...
Lindsey Dean, 69:45 2nd

It's going to be another sub for Lagerbäck.
Lindsey Dean
Well you handle that pronunciation, there, Linds.
Ray Hudson
It's Kennedy Bakircioglü.
Lindsey Dean
We'll call him Kennedy.
Ray Hudson
I thought you were going to go with Ken for short.
Lindsey Dean, 78:47 2nd

Sweden had no chance because this was a tsunami that kept coming at them, wave after wave of helpless, beautiful, attacking football that stripped them down. Sergio Ramos capitalising to put a beautiful, big, red, succulent cherry on this delightful sundae of Spanish football.
Ray Hudson, post-game

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Real Madrid vs Mallorca, November 11th

I must be a clairvoyant. Here he goes again. His feet are like revolving doors, man ...
Ray Hudson, 11:27 1st

His right foot must be made of absolute chocolate ... It didn't make clean contact and allowed Varela in like the wolf in the hen house ...
Ray Hudson, 15:07 1st

The ball gets snap, crackled, pop around and it falls beautifully for him. Here's the ball in, he's onside, it comes back through the legs, it falls beautifully for Robinho, and that's better than hoochie coochie.
Ray Hudson, 17:12 1st

This ball's played in, it's a good ball. He's got it all to do. He rides Marcelo, and this hit is hotter than a black leather skirt on Sophia Loren.
Ray Hudson, half-time

This is the warrior out there. One-man battleship, Robinho. Look, he's got it all to do, Phil. Recognise it. All the fire engines come, he takes them all and skins them like Jack the Ripper.
Ray Hudson, 17:37 2nd

Kaleidoscope eyes, brilliant feet. Beyond brilliant, look at the culture there. Heavenly, and look how much it misses. Agh! Munch, The Scream.
Ray Hudson, 19:07 2nd

Old Horsey-Face comes galloping in again ...
Ray Hudson, 27:37 2nd

This is a paradigm of what Real Madrid can be. Beautiful football. Ruud van Nistelrooy is a horse of a different colour, alright ...
Ray Hudson, post-game

Really, it's an honour just to be nominated ...

Best of luck to the real soccer blogs (The DCenters, duNord, Soccer By Ives, Soccer Insider, thisisamericansoccer, ThroughBall, and the others). Unlike certain blogs, they certainly wouldn't spend the weekend drinking and only get around to watching the Madrid-Mallorca game three days late.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Valencia vs Real Murcia, November 10th

A player like Albelda, that you rightfully point out, with that quality, will find you as easily as peeling a tangerine.
Ray Hudson, 27:11 1st

Murcia cannot defend this, it's absolutely on the Yellow Brick Road for Iván Helguera ...
Ray Hudson, half-time

David Villa, again. His name rhymes with 'pure finishing'. Well it does in my mind, anyway.
Ray Hudson, half-time

My phone's ringing, Phil.
Ray Hudson, half-time

It looks like Q.E.D. - 'what we set out to prove' in Latin. I don't know what the Latin expression is, Phil.
Ray Hudson, 80:57 2nd

Beautifully fed in by Albelda, to Silva, to Villa, and they go disco. And he will be buying him a table-dance tonight.
Ray Hudson, post-game

Stuttgart vs Bayern Munich, November 10th [Updated]

What a nuclear hit this one is by Baştürk ... this is an absolutely radioactive, freak goal. A beautiful freak because it's steered in with absolute precision, Phil ...
Ray Hudson, 29:34 1st

He's beaming, beaming on the inside. It's a wonder you can't see star-bursts coming out of his ear-holes ...
Ray Hudson, 44:30 1st

They couldn't find Nelson's Column in Trafalgar Square, and that isn't an overstatement ...
Ray Hudson, 82:46 2nd

[Update - from Adam via email]
The wall breaks a little bit, brave as penguins ...
Ray Hudson, 16:30 1st

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Barcelona vs Real Betis, November 4th

I'm aroused, Phil.
Ray Hudson
That's why I'm sitting on this side.
Phil Schoen, 34:15 1st

If the universe is really expanding, Phil, how come there's not more spaces in between this red-and-white, this green-and-white team's defence? Answer me that.
Ray Hudson, 34:39 1st

You've got to put him in chains, put him inside a bank vault, put him on a ship, take the ship out to the ocean, sink the ship, and you know what? He'll still get out.
Ray Hudson, 36:17 1st

Esoteric. That's all I can say. There's more flair in this team, in this club, than a nineteen-seventies high-school reunion. This is a cabaret goal, again. And he's Liza Minnelli. Perfect placement, perfect dynamic, perfect free-kick.
Ray Hudson, 7:38 2nd

But again it kinda helps when you have someone like Ronaldinho that you can play with because he sees the lines as well.
Phil Schoen
Yeah, they're both aliens. Telling you, they're pod people.
Ray Hudson, 14:02 2nd

Turns the defenders inside-out, leaves them with twisted blood ...
Ray Hudson, 25:06 2nd

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Sevilla vs Real Madrid, November 3rd

The ball's trapped in between Raúl's legs. Keita doesn't matter what ball he kicks, he's gonna get something.
Ray Hudson, 7:54 1st

Rifled into the back of the net! How dare he? What a goal!
Kelly O'Donnell
Absolutely no chance for Iker Casillas on this one, man. Jiménez bursting with pride, Keita bursting the net of Real Madrid. This is an astonishing hit from distance, Kelly, and it's unhesitant. It's a brave strike, he takes the responsibility on, it could miss by a lunar mile. It doesn't. Look at this, unhesitant. He sees it. That is arrowed perfect. William Tell. And Casillas' net's the apple. Beautiful. Stretching effort. Springs like a jungle cat, Iker. He cannot get anywhere close to it.
Ray Hudson, 18:28 1st

Again, crackling white lightning attack by Sevilla. And again, Casillas does his damnedest, Casillas turns himself inside out. It's a beautiful ball over the top that finds big Frédéric, Frédéric comes in and hits it, Casillas saves it, but it's Fabiano, fabulous Fabiano, that puts the finishing razor-edge touch ...
Ray Hudson, 20:53 1st

Big Frédéric doesn't trust his left foot enough to take the swing, and his finish is as sharp as a rubber mallet, there.
Ray Hudson, 29:54 1st

One point twenty-one gigawatts, Kelly. Electrical bolt. One point twenty-one gigawatts!
Ray Hudson, half-time

That is an absolutely sagacious hit, Kelly. So good, it's fattening ...
Ray Hudson, half-time

Now he's handing out yellow cards like it's a bodily function.
Ray Hudson, 54:38 2nd

This referee, man, I tell you, he's having a Marge Simpson haircut day
Ray Hudson, 58:50 2nd

Bayern Munich vs Eintracht Frankfurt. November 3rd

They're looking as nervous as a Beirut grocery-run here in the opening going.
Ray Hudson, 1:04 1st

Screaming his blue-letter words at the heavens again, Luca Toni ...
Ray Hudson, 15:13 1st

We called him the bionic man earlier. Superman, Spiderman, magic man. He's Macedonian, I know that for sure ...
Ray Hudson, 75:32 2nd

Their defence was tighter than a camel's backside in a sandstorm ...
Ray Hudson, post-game

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Simple answers to simple questions [Updated]

Yes (sorry, Pablo)

Real Valladolid vs Barcelona - I got nothing. Anyone?

Update: Added, for Josh ...

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Valencia vs Real Madrid, October 31st

The defence of Valencia looking like the Bermuda triangle and all of the Real Madrid players go missing ...
Ray Hudson, 0:57 1st

What a goal this is, we will be treated like a big ice-cream sundae. Watch this, it's all van Nistelrooy. Magic from old horsey-face. He turns this little note into a verse and then into a choir ...
Ray Hudson, 24:50 1st

Ah, Phil, if he cannot hit this, there's something wrong with his hammer. Look at that! We know he's a defender but he's like a fish up a tree with this finish.
Ray Hudson, 27:20 1st

What an absolute blessed goal this is. It's found, he sees it, he's onside by a nautical mile, but look at that finish! This is divine grace under pressure. And a buxom finish. And we like buxom.
Ray Hudson, 30:03 1st

Orchestrial football, violins right, left, and centre, and Guti is the Stradivarius.
Ray Hudson, 36:39 1st

A goal is a dream with a deadline. And this one is a wet dream.
Ray Hudson, half-time

This isn't cyber, this is hard-wired football ...
Ray Hudson, 19:38 2nd

And this is becoming the closest thing to a public execution this side of North Korea, Phil.
Ray Hudson, 20:24 2nd

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Sevilla vs Valencia, October 28th

Look at this, he lifts off and smack! Turns his head around like Linda Blair in The Exorcist, and that's like a right foot from Muhammad Ali, that. Poor Albiol sees the world going in the opposite direction ...
Ray Hudson, 27:38 1st

Zigic and Arizmendi, like two positively-charged electrons, they are not going to connect in this game ...
Ray Hudson, 38:20 1st

Zigic barely touches him and Palop goes down like a bunch of broccoli ...
Ray Hudson, 40:47 1st

Really trying to impose their will through the hammer and the anvil rather than their footballing method. Vicente it is who comes in to replace the impotent Zigic.
Ray Hudson
Have to love the descriptions of Ray Hudson here on GolTV.
Pablo Alsina, 46:02 2nd

Capel comes streaking in on this left side with all the intimidating directness of a torpedo ...
Ray Hudson, 69:20 2nd

Said keep your eye on him, I've always loved him, man, as a player. Said, such a bread-and-butter man but what a warrior. The ball gets fed back to him, and it's a gangster goal. And here Poulsen is Al Capone. It's a great, rifled machine gun hit ...
Ray Hudson, 73:30 2nd

This is lightning attack football, like when you're outside watching a lightning storm and that crackle rips through the black heavens, that's what this white team is like ...
Ray Hudson, 78:04 2nd

Look at this. Tic, Tac, Toe, Kaboom ...
Ray Hudson, 86:26 2nd

Real Madrid vs Deportivo La Coruña, October 28th

It's an almighty cluster-you-know-what.
Ray Hudson, 29:11 1st

Beautiful play by Ruud, isn't it? Matador, again. Draws his defender in on him, gets the big red cape out and goes olé. Gets the penalty, dispatches a penalty, squares the game.
Ray Hudson, half-time

Metzelder hesitates like a three-legged giraffe, here. All the dexterity of a bull elephant, the big man, here, that's embarrassing. And that is capitalised off beautifully. Look at Metzelder, he's all a-wobbly. And Xisco goes disco. [maybe somebody read this?]
Ray Hudson, half-time

Magnificent! Absolutely truly magnificent football by the Brazilian. This has all of the bells and whistles attached to it. Talk about answering your critics. What a ball and he's polishing the shoes of Gutiérrez 'cause Guti provides him with a sublime ball. This is absolute genius. And it's beautifully supplied by Guti. Again, sweet passing delivery. Robinho starts it, he says 'Give me it back, baby'. He ducks around all of the defenders and pokes it in sweetly, Robinho. Look at this again that's brilliant disguise. Fabulous. Twinkle-toes, stardust again pouring out of his feet.
Ray Hudson, 43:56 2nd

They started off like a cup of Sanka and ended up like a double-shot espresso, cappuccino.
Ray Hudson, 47:31 2nd

Saturday, October 27, 2007

August Audio

Cleaning up the DVR.

Sevilla vs Getafe, August 26th

Valencia vs Villarreal, August 26th

Liverpool vs Toulouse, August 28th

Schalke 04 vs Werder Bremen, October 27th

It's that sort of game in the early going, both teams jousting, like King George and the dragon.
Ray Hudson, 11:13 1st

Electrical hit that lights up his coach's face and sends this crowd into delirium. It's exquisite placement, the power is precise. Accurate again, to the split millimetre. Divinely sent, Frings does everything he can, and Tim Wiese stretches his fingernails, he gets them broken by the wind off this ball. Coach goes disco!
Ray Hudson, 13:36 1st

Smile, Ray.
Pablo Alsina
I was smiling already before she pulled that camera out.
Ray Hudson, 30:46 1st

They have not connected too well together, the two boys up front for Werder Bremen. Like two electrons, they're not going to connect.
Ray Hudson, 65:06 2nd

What do you call that in English, Ray?
Pablo Alisina
Magic. Bloody magic.
Ray Hudson, 71:10 2nd

Diego weights it exquisitely, Frings delivers a diamond of a pass. It's an open, yawning net. Torsten Frings puts it on a golden altar. Sanogo sees it coming, he sees it going, he cannot angle it down into the open, yawning net. Neuer thanks his lucky stars again. Forget the miss. Fabulous football, set up with exquisite, Einstein vision and creativity from the wonderful play of Diego.
Ray Hudson, 75:34 2nd

Friday, October 26, 2007

DC United vs Miami Fusion, October 16th 1999

Dom from San Francisco kindly sent me this rather awesome transcript and sound clip. I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't know Ray Hudson had been so Ray Hudson for so long.

I've loved hearing Ray's commentary ever since he called MLS games way back when. He always cracked me up. So much so, that back in 1999, I recorded a sound clip from the first game of a round one playoff game he called between my beloved DC United and the Miami Fusion. United won 2-0, and the first goal was scored gloriously by Jaime Moreno on a fantastic give-and-go with Marco Etcheverry, who split the defense with an exquisite first-time touch. The sound quality is unfortunately a bit poor, and there are no animal metaphors, but I still love it.

Hudson: Oh!

Other guy: Etcheverry ... leaving it back ... great play... shot ... goal!!!! ... What a play by the two Bolivians!!!

Hudson: Moreno shoots like this ... look at this. Moreno ... darting in between two players ... Etcheverry ... gifting it back, sets him up beautifully... And he's an executioner in those examples. This is a great look. Look at this one. Etcheverry... doesn't need two touches ... one touch! And it's in the back of the net. Fusion? Absolutely devastated.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Chile vs Peru, October 17th

Look at that jackknifing header by Suazo. The ball going away from him, he gets that beautiful, bald bonce on it, and punches it with plenty of meat and potatoes behind it. Looks like he's had a few meat and potatoes in his time, Suazo. All strength, like a bulldog, but the touch of a poodle there. Beautiful ...
Ray Hudson, 14:50 1st

Vidal, basically, sees through their defence like Clark Kent sees through steel. Look at this, that's a fabulous ball, Riquelme standards. Sorry, I've got to bring Romy up again. But that is outstanding creativity by Vidal. Beautifully touched down, settles it with that velvet cushion for a right foot, and hammers it past the helpless, stranded Butrón ...
Ray Hudson, 6:39 2nd

Some venom coming out in the game now, Kelly, a little bit of poison. Little bit of yellow pus starting to come out of the wounds of Peru.
Ray Hudson, 22:59 2nd

Monday, October 22, 2007

Spreading the Word (updated again)

I know it's already been a bit meta around here recently but I must say thanks to SF at The Offside Rules for kindly sending a horde of minions over to check this place out.

Also, Blogrolled! at Empties Crushed, a while back (sorry). Thanks!

Update: and The Yankee Hooligan. Busy day.

Later updates:

Do I get an invite to the calendar shoot, Sports Illustrated?

Also, thanks, Brucio at du Nord.

Blogrolled! at Who Ate All The Cupcakes?

And if a Time magazine blog says Bloggers who love Ray Hudson move the media world closer to perfection, who are we to argue? Quote ...

This Hudsonia thing strikes me as strong evidence that we are getting progressively closer to some sort of new media nirvana, in which every possible informational and amusement need is filled.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Villarreal vs Barcelona, October 20th

Nobody idolises Riquelme the way I do. I absolutely worship the ground he walks on, but Pellegrini has seen that cow milked for all of its goodness in Villarreal and the time has come to say goodbye.
Ray Hudson, 8:03 1st

This is an eighteen year old, are you kidding me? This is an absolute old man's finish. Fabulous.
Ray Hudson, 24:36 1st

It's fed back by Franco who's got his radar working sharper than a Nautilus submarine ... Oleguer gets freezed, paralysed. Turns to Lot's wife like a statue of salt, poor Oleguer ...
Ray Hudson, half-time

Didn't lead to anywhere in the end, but I tell you what, I got a physical arousal from watching Bojan there.
Ray Hudson, 55:47 2nd

We've Gone Mainstream

Jeff Rusnak at the South Florida Sun-Sentinel. Cheers, Jeff.


GolTV color commentator Ray Hudson is the subject of a Web blog created by a viewer who has been "inspired by the awesome enthusiasm [Hudson] brings to the game," according to the site's home page. I inquired via e-mail about the blogger's identity, but the respondent wished to remain anonymous and only admits to living outside Florida.

Regardless of the site's origin, provides a richly entertaining catalog of linguistic gems from the ex-Striker and former Fusion coach. The blog finds Hudson at his most effusive — and eloquent — when commenting about Argentina's Juan Ramon Riquelme.

By the blogger's count, Hudson called Riquelme's name 68 times during Argentina's 2-0 World Cup qualifying win over Chile last weekend, in which Riquelme scored both goals on long-range free kicks. During the telecast, Hudson called Riquelme "the greatest footballer in the world," "one of the truly great poets of football," "an artist," "brilliant genius" and even a "big, beautiful strolling zombie." He concluded, "That man, who could have been, should have been a bullfighter, because he is a true matador footballer. The tango man."

Hudson's praise would fall on deaf ears at Spanish club Villareal, which mysteriously refuses to play Riquelme, despite his talent. The club said it will try to sell Riquelme when the transfer window opens in January. Argentina will resume 2010 qualifying in mid-November against Bolivia and Colombia....

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Deportivo La Coruña vs Valencia, October 20th

The ball is beyond the heavens, it's a fabulous invite. Look, he picks him out and then he absolutely blisters it. It's an inch-perfect, split millimetre-perfect ball by Joaquin. It's class in a glass, and it's an absolutely razor-edged header ...
Ray Hudson, half-time

It's Silva, and it's golden ... What wonderful wing-play by David Silva, holding his position, drawing his defender in on him, and those stardust, quicksilver, dancing shoes put into motion and put, surely, Deportivo to death ...
Ray Hudson, 28:07 2nd

[I was really hoping for a 'Xisco goes disco' after the Depor goal]

Bochum vs Bayern Munich, October 20th

And that finish is cuter than a bug's ear .... The applecart is rocked.
Ray Hudson, 10:58 1st

Friday, October 19, 2007

This is not a Pablo Alsina blog

But I really should post this

and this


Thankyou, scaryice at Climbing the Ladder, who has insane football statistical analysis skillz and more.

Venezuela vs Argentina, October 16th

Like a Jedi knight. No, better than that, a Templar knight. This is a flash of pure inspiration and let me tip my hat to the genesis of this goal, Ibarra. It's Ibarra who plays it down the side, it gets pulled back for Lionel. Lionel only absolutely lights it up here. He lifts off it, flamethrowers it past poor Renny Vega, who does everything. It's just as well Renny didn't get a hand to that, because it would have taken it off his wrist ...
Ray Hudson, 42:26 1st

But Argentina, man, just wait for you in the long grass, like snipers, assassins.
Ray Hudson, 44:50 1st

He's got a crystal ball in his head, I'm telling you. Riquelme sees two or three steps ahead to the mere mortals ...
Ray Hudson, half-time

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Paraguay vs Uruguay, October 17th

Well, Nelson Valdez as well, give the young man credit because he was full of support, look at that emotion and passion that we were talking about at the start of the game. For me, that's a beautiful sight, you see a goalscorer, Cabañas, having an orgasm, basically, on his assist. That's wonderful.
Ray Hudson, 16:22 1st

The Russians wiped the floor with the most overrated international team, based on the most overrated individual footballers, based out of the most overrated domestic league in world international football - England, the premiership, and the rest of that sorry shower called England. Pathetic.
Ray Hudson
And he would have said the same thing if they'd won
Phil Schoen, 18:23 1st.

Commentator verliest pedalen na goals Riquelme

Found here

Het versloeg Chili dankzij twee goals van Juan Roman Riquelme, "de beste speler ter wereld", als we de op hol geslagen voetbalcommentator Ray Hudson moeten geloven. Riquelme schilderde tegen Chili twee vrije trappen tegen de netten. Engelsman Ray Hudson en zijn collega-commentators van het Amerikaanse GolTV konden zich na het eerste doelpunt al niet bedwingen en gingen dan ook bij Riquelme's tweede compleet uit hun dak.
Which translates to something like ...
Commentator loses pedals after Riquelme goals

They beat Chile thanks to two goals from Juan Roman Riquelme, "the best player in the world", if we must believe football commentator Ray Hudson. Riquelme painted against Chile two free kicks against the nets. Englishman Ray Hudson and his co-commentator from American GolTV could not control themselves after the first goal and so at Riquelme's second went completely from their roof.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Colombia vs Brazil, October 14th

For this, the 50th post on this most humble of blogs, as a (not very) special treat, may I present this prime example of Mr. Hudson's trademark ejaculation, never before featured in this corner of the interwebs (because I can never work out how to transcribe it - Aye Aye? Ay Ay? Ai Ai?). Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mr. Hudson, accompanied, as he should be, by his able foil, Mr. Schoen.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Argentina vs Chile, October 13th

And there you see Juan Román Riquelme, back on the pitch. A big fan of Riquelme's next to me, Ray Hudson, what can we expect in this match?
Pablo Alsina
Well it'll be magic from Riquelme, no matter that he's been in cobwebs for the last few month. Román Riquelme, one of the truly great poets of football ...
Ray Hudson, pre-game

It seems to be that a few of the players are slip-sliding, everybody but Riquelme.
Ray Hudson, 5:24 1st

Sizzler by Romy, unhesitant. Confidence, skill and class coming out of his ear-holes there ...
Ray Hudson, 7:11 1st

That is a gift from the gods, he always has been, I've said it for a long time, for me, I said it at the start of this game the greatest footballer in the world. I'll go to my grave defending that man. He splits his country down the middle, some people love him, some people hate him. Who couldn't love this? This is a Bernini sculpture of a goal, Pablo. It's perfection. If it had missed the target you could have hardly blamed him, but he takes all of the responsibility on his own shoulders, he guides it heavenly, it's a magisterial hit by an artist, a poet of the game. You cannot say enough, he backs it up, he hasn't played for what? Five, six months? He comes in here and he has been the best footballer on this park. Brilliant genius of Riquelme, yet again, defying his critics.
Ray Hudson, 26:40 1st

The big, beautiful, strolling zombie, I call him, Riquelme ...
Ray Hudson, 30:53 1st

Helpless, just rooted to the spot like a big ficus tree, the Chile goalkeeper ...
Ray Hudson, 33:37 1st

This is an absolute concerto goal. The first one was brilliant. We're like, living déjà vu all over again ...
Ray Hudson, 45:36 1st

Here's your first work of absolute Picasso art. Against all the odds, he takes them on, and he laughs at them.
Ray Hudson, half-time

Just like an out of body experience, you think it's done all over again, you think you've seen it before, it's like you've relived it, absolutely brilliant, the ambiguity of him is brilliant ...
Ray Hudson, half-time

Breathtaking again by Romy. Pablo, I think you'll be having to call for an oxygen tank for me, my friend, if that one had went in ...
Ray Hudson, 40:26 2nd

That man, who could have been, should have been a bullfighter, because he is a true matador footballer. The tango man.
Ray Hudson, 44:25 2nd

And finally ... the Ray Hudson 'Riquelme' count.


  • Riquelme - 1
  • Román Riquelme - 1
First half
  • Riquelme - 23
  • Romy - 7
  • Juan Román Riquelme - 2
  • Riquelme - 6
Second Half
  • Romy - 2
  • Riquelme - 20
  • Román - 2
  • Román Riquelme - 1
  • Riquelme - 3
Grand Total - 68

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Uruguay vs Bolivia, October 13th

It's an absolutely fabulous finish by Forlán, now how do you figure this? This is an outstanding, world-class goal of the highest calibre. He has missed chances today that your young boy Alex could have put away, Phil. And I'm not kidding. The forward, man, he's a funny old beast. This is an absolutely scintillating finish on the full volley and it's full-blooded by Diego Forlán. See the ball's played the opposite way, right beautiful rainbow pass and here's your pot of gold at the end of this rainbow. It's a tremendous little ball by Pérez, leading Diego, Diego arrows it in, past García and that inside post and poor García again gets his fingers singed by that superheated volley.
Ray Hudson, 38:06 1st

He couldn't hit a horse's backside with a banjo early on but he threads the needle there.
Ray Hudson, 41:48 1st

Incredible, that this small country produces so many high-quality players but they don't stay in Uruguay, unfortunately, they head out overseas, deservedly so for the big money and the wealth and fame, and the pretty señoritas ... there's plenty of them in Uruguay of course.
Ray Hudson, 43:47 1st

That left foot of his is like a pistol, and it's cocked and the trigger is exploded ...
Ray Hudson, half-time

Abreu sees it coming, he's got all the time in the world, he could take this on his chest, Phil, he could have a plate of pasta and then pass it into the net, but he trusts his header, and it's mistrust ...
Ray Hudson, 8:56 2nd

Monday, October 8, 2007

Sevilla vs Deportivo La Coruña, October 7th

He's in the referee's book but he's had a great game, he really has been a fish-shaking warrior in that midfield holding position ...
Ray Hudson, 67:45 2nd

Barcelona vs Atlético Madrid, October 7th

Set up by the little genius, again. The ball squirts away from him in that corner where the ball tends to roll away from most players. Well, Lio Messi is not most players. The new Maradona they're calling him, Phil. I tell you what, he is the most enduring challenger of that great man's mantle yet. It's Deco that finishes but it's all classic Lio, Lio the lion.
Ray Hudson, 15:25 1st

Like a pickpocketer out of Las Ramblas in Barcelona ...
Ray Hudson, 16:20 1st

Where do you begin? Where do you find the words, man? Magisterial! It's a beautiful give and go, the finish is absolutely celestial, by the albiceleste. Abbiati is a onlooker, this ball gets flamethrowered by him, by Lio the Lion, he's a puma. The Argentine puma. But what an absolute tiger. He sees his place, he sees it in a different dimension to the rest of the world, as does his great team-mate Ronaldinho. Henry has a part in it, he steadies Lionel, he dishes it off, give me it back, feed me baby! One look up, and look at that finish! Blistered by Abbiati. Brilliant, top of the world, the world is his oyster.
Ray Hudson, 19:50 1st

They got bigger, they got better and they got more beautiful, it's almost botanical football by Barcelona.
Ray Hudson, half-time

He's a little tiger, Lio. Scratches to get the ball back.
Ray Hudson, 57:15 2nd

He's like a leopard coming out of the bush, looking for something to eat ...
Ray Hudson, 71:14 2nd

Eighty six minutes into this game and he is like a spring rabbit. He's electric with his pace, the brilliant kaleidoscope vision of Deco sees through the steel wall at the back ...
Ray Hudson, 86:14 2nd

Beautiful, textbook, hallmark, Barcelona, bossa nova, tango football.
Ray Hudson, 89:56 2nd

And, the big cat remix ...

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Valencia vs Espanyol, October 6th

Service is everything a lot of the times, in a game, it's advertised. Yeah, the paella is flowing tonight ...
Ray Hudson, 4:12 1st

Stuttgart vs Hannover, October 6th

Brave play by the Swiss man, but it's out by the width of a Toblerone.
Ray Hudson, 34:00 1st

Touch like the proverbial elephant there, from Mario.
Ray Hudson, 41:25 1st

It's a stupefying miss by the Hungarian international. Screams his blue murder, but don't worry, Hungarian man, you will be back ...
Ray Hudson, half-time

Tale of two stories, there, isn't it ?
Ray Hudson, 51:18 2nd

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Hansa Rostock vs Stuttgart, September 29th

This is Statue of Liberty defending ...
Ray Hudson, 17:55 1st

It's time for wakey-wakey. They need a response, they need an injection of something, and a little less flattering of the eyelashes and a little bit more extending of the muscles.
Ray Hudson, 45:27 2nd

Success is good, happy times, smiling faces ... Twenty minutes before they taste the beer in the locker room.
Ray Hudson, 63:53 2nd

Pagelsdorf still not smiling, but he's a ninja, he's smiling on the inside ...
Ray Hudson, post-game

Levante vs Barcelona, September 29th

He's hitting a purple patch all of a sudden. Prince's purple patch. That type of purple ...
Ray Hudson, 23:51 1st

That gentleman with the flag needs to stick it somewhere, Kelly.
Ray Hudson, 44:40 1st

I had the pleasure of meeting Carlos Puyol when we ran into Barcelona's team, Hristo Stoichkov was playing with us for DC United, and I lent Carlos my World Soccer magazine, I remember. Never got the bugger back, either.
Ray Hudson, 45:46 2nd

Prince of accuracy, here. Easy as peeling a banana ...
Ray Hudson, 48:37 2nd

Better balance than a one-legged man standing in a hammock, Lionel Messi. Like Hannibal Lecter he skins them alive ...
Ray Hudson, 50:30 2nd

Beautiful, shimmer, shake. Dancing, swiveling his hips like a Greek belly-dancer ...
Ray Hudson, post-game

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Real Madrid vs Real Betis, September 27th

This has been a lethargic performance by Real Madrid, it's been lackadaisical and it's requiring a stick of dynamite pushed up into a very sensitive place and lit by the coach at half-time.
Ray Hudson, half-time

No right foot, but the left is like a glove ...
Phil Schoen, 53:49 2nd

Finger down the throat, and he knows it.
Phil Schoen
Fist down the throat ... He's got that dreaded forwards' disease known as finishingitis ....
Ray Hudson, 56:25 2nd

Well, to paraphrase Depeche Mode, but, the soccer gods with a strange sense of humour here today.
Phil Schoen
Well, that's why they've got white beards.
Ray Hudson, 76:37 2nd

You can read this game like a nursery rhyme book, so many times. Said this was in the stars, this result ... And the marquis of marksmanship, tonight, is Baptista with beautiful, acrobatic, Matrix, upside-down, bicycle kick, fabulous by the big Brazilian, look at this and watch, treat yourselves to this. Beautiful touch, it gets popped around, it's won here and banjo! He goes disco! and he is Donna Summers tonight.
Ray Hudson, 84:49 2nd

Lady Luck showed her big, ugly, fat, cellulite-laden backside to Betis, and smiled a lovely, diamond grin at Real Madrid here tonight.
Ray Hudson, 87:03 2nd

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Barcelona vs Real Zaragoza, September 26th

Are you kidding me? Oh my lord! Eto'o is injured and he's bouncing up and down, as this entire stadium is, to take their collective hats off to the magician of Messi. He's been called Messidona in the past, he is living up to the great Diego, his countryman. Absolutely unbelievable football. You wanna see stardust come out of a player's boots? Lock your beautiful, smiling eyes on this. It's fabulous vision, it's a great pass, that just gets mis-directed, but he picks it up, and he knows instinctively where the goal is. He has the initial ball in, it doesn't find its target, he keeps on running, he keeps on ticking, and he sinks his knife in beautifully into Zaragoza. Take a look at it again and again, get out of your sofas and applaud. This is magical, mercurial football by Lionel.
Ray Hudson, 04:41 1st

Well, if the first eight minutes are anything to be judged you might want to strap the seatbelt on your Barcalounger.
Phil Schoen
Yeah. And get me an oxygen tent, please, Phil.
Ray Hudson, 08:27 1st

My sweet lord! This is better than Messi's goal, Phil. This is an orgasmic goal of simp - oh, my lord. An incredible strike.
Ray Hudson, 09:00 1st

The marquis of marksmanship, again. He doesn't need two touches. You better wrap him up in a vault and drop him to the ocean, because that's the only way you're going to contain little Lionel, the magic Messi ... he's always lively, fizzier than an Alka-Seltzer in a glass of Newcastle Brown Ale ...
Ray Hudson, 10:28 1st

A rabbit-hole attack by Barcelona ...
Ray Hudson, 13:03 1st

His heart is as big as a fat pig, that man there, and so is his courage ...
Ray Hudson, 21:10 1st

Just curious - do the fat pigs drink the Alka-Seltzer and Brown Ale? Must be a fun night out on the town in Newcastle.
Phil Schoen, 21:32 1st

Scientific football and it begins with the Einstein, Messi. The brilliant wizard ...
Ray Hudson, 21:56 1st

What a pass this is! This is Clark Kent, Superman vision from deep to find Thierry Henry ...
Ray Hudson, 23:52 1st

Defending this team, it's like trying to nail Jello to the ceiling, mission impossible ...
Ray Hudson, 39:10 1st

Iniesta trying to get around the big man, Sergio, here, to receive his own pass on the other side. Drives into Sergio, he cannot dispel the atoms in his body, so Sergio just rifles through him. I wouldn't put it past Iniesta to try that disappearing act and then reappear on the other side of Sergio, the way he's playing ...
Ray Hudson, 45:02 1st

They are having more fun than monkeys in a monkey tree ...
Ray Hudson, half-time

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Sevilla vs Espanyol, September 25th

Talk about Kerzhakov all you like, I'm going to pick the goalkeeper out of Espanyol as absolutely brilliant beyond belief, look at this save, Phil, it's brilliant reflexes by Kameni. This'll be a perfect look, he powers this one on, cat-quick. That is brilliant by the Cameroonian.
Ray Hudson, 47:01 2nd

What a ball provided out wide, this is a majestic ball into Luis García and that is absolutely pin-point finishing. Absolutely outstanding. Great ball in, beautifully played in by Riera. Oh, what a finish this is. Palop has got no chance. There is a window, tiny little window of opportunity on his right side that could be exploited, and that man there, X-ray vision to find its way in, beautiful. Penalty box assassin, Luis García.
Ray Hudson, 54:11 2nd

Sevilla were running rampant, but that werewolf Luis García jumps out and draws blood ...
Ray Hudson, 55:13 2nd

Good look at Valverde now, getting a little bit moist under the armpits ...
Ray Hudson, 63:24 2nd

Jumps up, salmon-like out of the country stream, and punches this home, that is world class, nothing less ... Phil, that is as good of a header as you will ever see as long as you live, and as long as you are eating pork pies ...
Ray Hudson, 68:31 2nd

Shakespeare absolute could not write this stuff ...
Ray Hudson, 87:53 2nd

Miraculous come-back, out of all proportion, I call it Shakespearian. Ah, that does the bard justice ...
Ray Hudson, post-game

Barcelona vs Sevilla, Redux

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Real Valladolid vs Real Madrid, September 23rd

Real Madrid under Schuster, confidence coming out of his ear holes.
Ray Hudson, 01:39 1st

This is a molten hit, from distance. A raise of the eyebrows, and a big question mark over Iker's head. When he picked it up there was one intention, but what accuracy, Kelly. This is a phenomenal strike from distance. Iker does his damnedest to springboard this wonderful hit. López, beautiful, howitzer, bullets this. It sizzles underneath the bar, there's nothing else on, he chances his arm, and he catches Iker ... out. And the German cannot believe it but he smelt it coming, I'll guarantee you that ...
Ray Hudson, 70:04 2nd

He was the coolest player in Spain when the pressure told and the spotlight was on him. Guti hesitated, he waited for that magical crack of the dam ...
Ray Hudson, 90:10 2nd

Levante vs Athletic Bilbao, September 23rd

Missed chances, my friend. One of life's great mysteries.
Ray Hudson, 12:44 1st

No sign of Lady Luck for Levante. She's still in the shadows and she don't want to come out for this team.
Ray Hudson, 24:31 1st

Certainly a handball, let's have a look ... that's not a handball ...
Ray Hudson, 68:09 2nd

Lady Luck smiling down at Riganò but she takes her dentures out and gives an ugly look ...
Ray Hudson, 69:28 2nd

You know I'm right, Phil, come on, you can say it.
Ray Hudson, 70:39 2nd

Phil? Phil?
Ray Hudson, 70:44 2nd

Aduriz gets a lot of help, you talk about luck, it's -
Ray Hudson
She put her dentures back in.
Phil Schoen, 72:49 2nd

He's really angry about something, like a polar bear on South Beach ...
Ray Hudson, 73:17 2nd

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Barcelona vs Sevilla, September 22nd

What a miss by Thierry Henry this one is, Lindsey. Feast your shocked eyes on this one.
Ray Hudson, 54:52 2nd

When it ain't going your way, Lady Luck shows her big, fat, ugly backside to you ...
Ray Hudson, 70:56 2nd

Ingenious pass by Thierry Henry, who picks himself up, and dusts himself down, and provides a jewel of a pass for the little tormentor, Lionel. And he kisses him, smells his aftershave. And that has sent this crowd into happy jubilation ...
Ray Hudson, 73:10 2nd

That little Argentine magician did enough to cushion it, and settle it. It bounced up for him, it didn't matter. He did The Matrix, he got over it and pummeled it past Palop.
Ray Hudson, 75:49 2nd

No more deserving player. Locked focus, cool as Father Christmas. Can he deliver the present? Ah, can he ever!
Ray Hudson, 79:24 2nd

And his magic star keeps rising, in the ascendancy ...
Ray Hudson, 79:43 2nd

Spain vs Latvia, September 12th

I bet you Fernando Torres will never ever taste scouse as long as he's at Liverpool. He's a smart man for doing so.
Ray Hudson, 3:17 1st

What a great ball, splitting them open like a fresh fish, by Xavi.
Ray Hudson, 11:12 1st

And Joaquin, he attacks this one, Phil, like you attack a plate of pork pies. He's around the defender, he puts it on a silver altar, Xavi stabs it home. Brilliant football by the wide man of Valencia. Perfect providing, perfect execution, rapier football, Antonio Banderas, Zorro.
Ray Hudson, 13:06 1st

Those lads, the defenders, earn their bread and butter. And when you see it done like that, really, all the hairy chested centre-halves around the country are going 'Yeah!'
Ray Hudson
You're big with the hairy-chested lads then?
Phil Schoen
I'm big with the hairy-chested lasses as well.
Ray Hudson, 18:19 1st

He's got it all in his arsenal.
Ray Hudson
No pun intended.
Phil Schoen
Well it actually was.
Ray Hudson, 66:59

It's not a work of art, far from it. A Picasso type of a goal, in its own way, it's all disjointed and ugly ...
Ray Hudson, 85:02 2nd

What about a - someone from Liverpool speaking Spanish ...
Phil Schoen
Ésta es Anfield.
Ray Hudson, 86:07